I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
