Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
