Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
