We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
