i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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