are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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