absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
