Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
