i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
