can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dicks are not precious.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
