If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
a search helicopter?!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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