It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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