Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
