I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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