HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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