well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
