What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
