You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
