What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
