So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
