remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
