craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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