you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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