They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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