i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
