just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Houston, we have a blender
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
