You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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