if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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