I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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