I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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