i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
