i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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