Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
