I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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