my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
