Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
