Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
