All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im drinking this country out of the recession.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
