I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
