I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
