do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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