I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
