Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
