He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
