I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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