I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
