We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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