RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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