Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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