$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
